Precept #4: This Disease is Treatable (A Mother's View)

---by Lorraine (Rainy) Oliver

“Everything is connected…no one thing can change by itself.” – Paul Hawken (1946-?)

My son was a curious, bright, mischievous, active, sensitive, and loving child growing up. He was 7 years old and an amazing big brother when his baby sister was born. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter his father and I divorced and had joint custody. My son struggled with going back and forth every other week from one parent to the other. His adolescence was quite challenging to say the least, as his anger and aggressive behaviors became directed toward me and were upsetting to his younger sister. After careful thought and consulting with peers and friends, I let my son go live with his father full-time when he was 15 years old, which is what he wanted to do. That was one of the most heart-wrenching decisions that I have ever had to make in my life. I oftentimes ask myself if things would have been different if I hadn’t done so, but as parents we do the best we can with what we know at the time. I rarely saw my son after that other than at holidays, on special occasions, or when I attended his sporting events.

From what little I know, my son started using pain pills in high school while playing football. As both an offensive and defensive lineman, he sustained several injuries but was encouraged to “suck it up” by others and continue playing. I can only assume that he was originally prescribed pain pills but later started getting them from other people. He told me once that the mother of one of his teammates gave him one of her pain pills just prior to a game because of an injury he had sustained. Of course, he wouldn’t tell me the name of the parent, and at that point in time, I didn’t realize where he was headed with his addiction or he would have heard a lot more than my motherly lecture on why that was inappropriate. During this period in time, I was more worried about my son’s alcohol abuse. He had been cautioned that alcoholism runs on both sides of the family but like most teenagers, he had the attitude of, “It won’t happen to me.” He had totaled two or three vehicles before the age of 21 from what I have been told, and they were all alcohol-related accidents. One accident resulted in him being pinned under his truck for several hours until someone called 911. I had not been informed until the next day when he showed up at my house with bumps and bruises. I was grateful that he was alive and thought this might be a “wake up call” for him. It wasn’t.

A couple of years after he graduated high school, when I did see my son, he was either very “up” or could barely keep his eyes open. His opiate addiction was quite evident and most of the family knew about it. Efforts to communicate with his father were a one-way street. Then one day my son called me and informed me that he was “shooting up” with heroin. That image of my baby boy using a syringe to inject himself with this deadly drug devastated me! No, not my son! Not my baby! I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach with a steel-toed work boot! I could barely breathe. This is when the nightmare truly began for our family. Instead of sharing all the gory details let’s just say it involved physical aggression, threats of sexual harm to my daughter reportedly by “two guys (traffickers) from New York,” my son carrying a 9mm tucked in the back of his jeans, my personal purchase of a 9mm for self-protection, extortion, meeting with the FBI,  coerced urine samples, hearing my son’s name on the radio repeatedly, and seeing his “mug shot” on the front page of the local paper several times. It was like a never-ending episode on the Investigation Discovery (I.D.) Channel and unbelievably terrifying to me as a mother. Over the years my son had multiple arrests for various charges, incarceration at the county jail numerous times, and a couple of short-term inpatient treatment admissions, and none of it seemed to make a difference. I tried to mentally prepare myself that he was either going to die from an unintentional overdose or spend his life in prison.

Fast forward to today. My son has been clean and sober for over a year. He is working full-time and is in a healthy relationship. He is engaged to be married next spring and is already being a great father figure for his soon-to-be four- year-old stepson. He is also wanting to further his education and is looking into doing something part time to help others overcome their addictions. He now calls me at least a couple of times a week and texts almost daily. He is trying very hard to rebuild the relationships that were strained and badly damaged during the years of his addiction. This will take time. For some, it will take more time than others due to the distrust, heartache, humiliation, and fear experienced by everyone in the family.

So how did my son finally get on the path leading to recovery? He recently told me that he doesn’t even know. My response seems simplistic but it is truly more complicated than it sounds. He was ready. He was ready to change and the supports were in place when he needed them to start his journey to recovery. As a mental health professional, I often refer to the Stages of Change with my clientele. The stages include Pre-contemplation (more commonly referred to as “denial”); Contemplation; Preparation; Action; Maintenance & Relapse Prevention. The other critical piece that I previously mentioned was that the supports were in place when he was ready. Although the county jail isn’t the best place to go through de-tox, that is where it occurred this time for my son.  He also developed a rapport with a great counselor and had the support of wonderful staff at Alcohol and Drug Services of Guernsey County. He participated in individual and intensive out-patient group counseling there as well. They saw my son as a person and not just as an addict or a criminal. They advocated for him to get the Vivitrol injection which probably saved his life. I had obtained a Naloxone kit through Project D.A.W.N. (Deaths Avoided With Naloxone) from the local health department in case he ever showed up at my house and accidentally overdosed if he had relapsed. He developed additional support from peers at the Celebrate Recovery meetings at Christ United Methodist Church in Cambridge. He was held accountable by his probation officer with random drug testing. He had family and friends that were supportive and non-judgmental without “enabling” him. Most importantly, he was READY!

As families and communities fighting this plague on our great nation, we need to be prepared with resources readily available when those struggling with addiction are ready to receive those desperately needed services at the time they are ready…. not 30 days later; not depending on what kind of insurance they have (if any); and not when their names come to the top of the “Waiting List”! These services and resources need to include easy and rapid access to de-tox units, inpatient treatment, intensive out-patient services, medication-assisted treatment, sober living facilities, peer recovery supports – whatever it takes! After spending almost a decade living in fear as the mother of a child with life threatening addiction, I realize that my son spent just as long, if not longer, living a life in hell that he would not have chosen for himself. Given everything that I’ve shared in this blog, I hope others realize this too. Given all that he’s done in the past and all that we have endured as a family, and then… to see him now – happy, healthy, loving, generous, working -  I can honestly attest to the fact that addiction IS a disease and recovery IS possible! I have my son back! Treatment works! Recovery IS beautiful!

Lorraine “Rainy” Oliver has a Master’s degree in Education with emphasis on Community Counseling and is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor – Supervisor. She has worn many hats while employed by Allwell Behavioral Health Services (formerly Six County, Inc.) for the past 26 years. Currently she is the Director of Allwell - Guernsey County and the clinical supervisor of the Day Treatment and CORE Vocational Rehabilitation Programs. Ms. Oliver is an active member of the Guernsey County anti-drug coalition, Project: C.H.O.I.C.E.S (Community-Hope-Opportunity-Independence-Change-Empowerment-Success) and a proponent of Integrated Dual Disorder Treatment. First and foremost, she is a mom.